Tuesday, September 1, 2009

A Little Relationship Humor

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...


A couple is lying in bed.

The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."


"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.


He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.


Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor


A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!

Gotta love that fairy!


Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.


Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.


Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.


Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.


Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

A Do Over?

A few nights ago I had the pleasure of attending a going away party for one of my friends. This friend is moving away to Florida. She has quit her job, sold all of her possessions and is leaving behind her life up here in Massachusetts. Basically she is starting anew. Well, this had made me ponder the question - If I was given the chance to start over - a do over, let's say, would I do it? What if I could go back to a point in my life, any point, and make a different decision or make a different choice. Hmmm... Would I go back to my high school years and study harder? Would I go back even further to my childhood and simply slow down. I can tell you this, if I could go back to my childhood as the person I am today, I would tell myself to savor the carefree days of your childhood and to not be in such a hurry to grow up. Getting back to the point, Would I go back to any point in my life and do it over? Well I can honestly tell you, without a doubt, my answer would be NO! Perhaps even a Hell No!
Now I know it sounds a little to cliche, however all of the experiences I had and any turmoil I endured has made me the person I am today. And who exactly am I? I am a person with not the greatest of confidence, definitely a klutz, I am terrified of social situations and petrified of the unknown and I am certainly not the perfect mom, and perhaps I spend way too much time in front of the computer. However, this is me.
I am at a point in my life where I am finally content and I am at peace. It was a very long and often times bumpy road but I got here. I am in a relationship that I feel I spent my entire life looking for. I have two amazing children that I thank God for everyday and I have family and friends who I treasure more than any of them will ever know. No, I'm not perfect. My laundry is often times overflowing and my checkbook more often than not doesn't always balance, my kids sometimes don't listen and I may miss a DR.'s appointment or two. But this is me - Crazy, forgetful, loud, clumsy, silly ME.